DATE. The dictionary defines this word as, "an engagement to go out socially with another person, generally out of romantic interest." When two many people meet and share a mutual interest in exploring something more, they usually arrange a date. Simple, right? Apparently not.

Dating today seems to have taken on a number of different meanings and contexts, depending upon whom you talk to. Many singles verbalize uncertainty about the who, what, when, where and hows of dating. Somewhere along the way the game changed and the old rules we are forgotten or lost. Whats a single person in search of a relationship to do?

The answer will depend upon what an individuals relationship needs and goals are. If someone is playing for fun, there could be few if any rules. If they are playing to win, the rules will matter, as the stakes for them are high. Much of the confusion and difficulty seems to occur when two individuals with different goals meet and contruct plans to get together.

So, how might someone play the dating game in a way that maximizes their chance of meeting their relationship expectationsThey must decide IN ADVANCE what their (long term) goals for dating are and what is and is not acceptable for them from any future partner and relationship. Then they must contruct conscious, self-serving decisions regarding the who, what, when, where and why questions that arise.

In order to assist you with these important choices, I have designed a pre-date checklist. Its a basic primer that will help you to meet and date compatible singles who are in a similar dating place (at the present time) as you are. Some careful thought beforehand will help you to avoid generating impulsive and/or poorly thought out choices that can lead to the kinds of headaches and heartaches that are detailed in the many emails I receive.

Pre-Date Checklist:

* Am I dealing with any unresolved (past) issues that impact my ability to have a healthy social/dating life?

* At this measure am I interested in meeting a lot of all the people and dating for fun and acquired skill or am I looking for a serious involvement?

* Do I understand the best ways/places to meet everybody who share my present dating expectations and goals?

* Do I have a rough list of attributes/characteristics that I am looking for in a partner (if applicable) or a human Id want to date?

* Do I have "rules" that are in line with my dating expectations and goals? If so, am I able to be consistent in following them?

* Am I upfront and clear in my communication with singles in whom I have an interest in dating?

* Am I comfortable (and appropriate) in expressing my disinterest in dating (or continuing to date) someone?

* Do I think through the possible consequences beforehand of drinking too much, agreeing to leave alone with someone I have just met and any other reckless and/or impulsive behaviors?

A healthy, successful dating life requires building CONSCIOUS choices that are based on a strong self-data and nice self-esteem. If you have a past dating pattern that is characterized by first dates that go nowhere; promises of calls to get together that never come; first meetings that leave you wondering what went wrong when the connection felt so right; and other dating disasters- then I urge you to try utilizing the pre-date checklist and doing some work on yourself first, in order to help change your dating luck and chances of relationship success.